Thoughts

So I have had a ton going on in my personal and professional life and needed a spot to clear my head of all the thoughts and ramblings.

I have way to many thoughts on religion at this moment in time.  I have been doing a great deal of research into the bible it's origins, and how it came to be translated.  I am a little bit uneasy about how bible books were voted on and the time that they were voted on.  However if you want to believe in the bible's divinity then you know that the correct books or stories would get bundled in.
Then logic takes over and you start thinking of man and imperfection.  How could we just blindly follow a book that says it is true and was edited by man. Also the contradictions in modern day churches, we are taught that if you believe in the New Testament then the Mossiac law is no longer in practice.  So that being said the 10 commandments no longer apply (and don't tell me that they are still good points because I already agree with you).  I cannot ignore the issue of how angry god was in the first part of the bible and how his message drastically changed in the New Testament.  I cannot for the life of me understand why Achan whole family died for him stealing alone; why Manasea killed his sons and dozens of others, but is forgiven.
Now I don't have all the answers I am still researching but that is bothering me at the moment.

I know it is important for people to believe in something. Have a goal a dream in place, but I don't have one.  I haven't had a dream in a long time.  I have my beautiful daughter Lily and my lovely wife Amber.  I don't need anything else as far as I am concerned.  I just wish I believed in something greater than myself like I used to.   I guess you can say I am going through a crisis of faith and I want more than just the fly by night answers that tell you to just believe and give yourself whole souled.  I have done that and I got nothing but more questions.  The only truth I have is that I will let nothing happen to my family and you can count on yourself first and foremost.  Others will eventually put their own interests ahead of the greater good.  You can find no better proof of that than what is going on in Washington DC right now.

Closed minds breed ignorance.  Ignorance breeds fear and hate.  I know that to be true.